Alcohol + Sex Appeal = Kiss / Relationship

On one drunken night.. I kissed this guy.. Because I was drunk.. But the truth of the matter is.. I like this guy.. these were the lines I first said when I saw him..

I just broke up with my fiancé’ then.. (who would have thought to get engage in just 2 months of being together.. crazy).. a few months after and one night.. after some booze.. I was sober.. and the alcohol.. it made me kiss him.. I can still taste the kiss..

A week ago.. it was my special day… I invited all my friends.. and I was actually surprised when they told me that he was coming.. I wasn’t expecting him.. because after we both left our former jobs.. we didn’t have the contact anymore..

When I saw him.. I can’t explain the emotion.. the excitement.. the memories of that night just flashed again..

When all the alcohol in the house have been drained.. we decided to hit Centerstage.. to doing what he loves best.. singing.. we stayed on for the next 3 hours until closing time.. and all throughout I can feel him.. I can feel his hands on my back.. I can feel the soft touch of his hand when he assisted me back to my seat.. I just can feel him beside me.. I know that I didn’t drink too much.. and I was in my right senses.. I don’t want to doubt if he was.. but I just can feel that he wanted to kiss me again.. or to tell me something..

It was a joy ride on the way back home.. with some smiles and some direction we got by.. as we were nearing my house.. I know what’s going to happen.. if I won’t be able to control myself.. I know I’d kiss him again.. But I did.. and so I gave him a peck on the cheek and immediately got off.. and I just can’t seem to get it out of my head.. my what-ifs..

What if I stayed a little longer.. what could have happened? We would kiss.. I’m pretty sure of that.. But would it be ‘something’? or just some hormones in action? I’m not sure after that.. What I’m sure right now is that I asked him what his plans are tonight.. crazy me.. I know.. I know.. I just can’t seem to get everything off my head.. I was half wishing that there was ‘something’.. after all these years.. But the half truth was.. I just have too much sex appeal.. and it’s all that men wanted in me.. plus alcohol..

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Earlier this week.. I met up with my guy best friend.. we were intimate.. On one of our discussions.. I heard him say.. ‘good sex was the only thing men can get from me’ but he meant differently.. according to him.. he said that ‘good sex was something men could look forward to with me and not the only thing’..

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Maybe this was the only thing he wanted from me.. maybe all men are.. questioning if I’ll ever find someone who’ll love me for who I am and not for how good I’m in bed is another story.. I just want to believe right now that I’m worth more than my ass.. and I can try not to be so much appealing.. or even try to attract it..

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He never sent his reply.. two things: 1) he was never interested or 2) he was too interested.. I want to believe it’s the 2^nd.. but it’s safer to believe the 1^st..

~ by 3lm0l0v3r on March 16, 2009.