Closure: Should I get it or Not?

this is sequel to the ‘On the Rebound’ post.. let me tell you the story of S.

S. and I were friends since high school.. that’s roughly ten years ago.. We met through my boyfriend (now an x) who was his classmate then.. We became close when I joined an organization where he was an officer then.. Even closer when we went to the same university, going into the same building.. His classes occupies the 1st two floors while mine gets the last two floors..

One major incident led our friendship to the higher level.. It was when he pretended to be gay when he’s around me so that I won’t get into fights with my boyfriend (now an x again)  for his jealousy.. that was my press release so that i can retain my friendship with S. Since then, it has become an anecdote.. a private something between me and S.

After college, sometime 2003, we met once in Makati and had coffee.. and then we never saw each other again.. not until July 2007.. It was interesting how we met up..

I came into contact with him a day after I broke up with E. (May 2007) He left a comment on my friendster profile.. Good that I still kept his number.. so I sent him a thank you message for the post.. and that opened the lines of communication..

We first met on July 2007.. It was a raincheck for not meeting him up on the scheduled date.. that started the dating period.. The once-in-two-weeks meet up became a once-a-week thing.. until it became a twice-a-week event..

S. did everything he can do to get me.. to make me feel special.. to show me how much he care.. how much he loves me..

I started to fall when he followed me and the rest of my friends in Malolos, Bulacan.. from South, he traveled all the way to North just to be with me.. the trip was longer than the time he spent to be with me and my friends..

The turning point for me came after that trip to Tagaytay.. i have to be honest in telling you that i was falling.. but i wasn’t so sure if I was ready.. I just got out of a relation and here i am.. trying on it again.. But I just couldn’t see him fail.. I just can’t.. Does that mean i love him?

After a week of not speaking to each other.. with me thinking over some things.. I decided to let him into my heart.. into my life.. I became happy.. It was such a happy feeling that letting go didn’t cross my mind..

After 3 months of staying together.. the dreaded became inevitable.. he was bound to leave for U.S. We kept the communication for about three weeks.. After that i didn’t hear from him.. I still sent him some emails.. and then none..

Last Feb 25.. I saw that his changed his friendster profile to single.. it was’t a big deal.. because i knew it was gonna happen sooner or later.. funny thing was.. i had this sudden gut feel that he was here.. so out of curiosity, i asked a friend to call up his house.. his father (i think) told us that S. went out for a while, brought his car and we can just call him up on his cellphone.. that was it.. a 50% possibility that he was here (see related post ’Last Night’). On Feb 28, his existence here in Manila was confirmed (again see related post ‘Confirmed’) this actually made me think.. did he really go away?

Now.. a couple of weeks have passed and I haven’t heard from him.. (besides of course his greetings on my birthday) From our phone conversation on ‘Confirmed’, i kind of noticed how he kept on explaining some things which i wasn’t questioning in the first place.. on how he hasn’t kept in touch because he has too many problems right now.. on how he received some of my messages but have not replied to some of them.. on reasoning which i believe is a justification of some bigger issue than just leaving..

I’m thinking.. i wanted to talk to S. I have a lot of questions in mind and I need answers.. my guy best friend told me to just let it go.. but my other guy best friend told me to get the closure if it’s going to give me the peace of mind.. well, i guess, i need to set my objectives first.. what do i want to achieve if i wanted to talk to him.. do i just want to clear the issue? or do i want him back? i guess.. i just want to hear the truth..

So.. from my version of the story.. what do you think.. should i get it or shouldn’t i?

~ by 3lm0l0v3r on March 13, 2008.